Hamham Commercial Spoofs
by Shadow Dragon Boss
Summary: What happens when the hamhams do some of those annoying commercials? Disaster of course! Hooked on Phonics with Maxwell, cooking Philsbury Dough Boy cookies with Oxnard, Shampoo commercials with Pashmina, and more! Can it get any worse?
1. Bandaids

Hamha all, and welcome to commercial spoofs with the hamhams! (This story was inspired by a fanfic called Harry Potter commercial spoofs that I read.)

To the old readers of this fanfic, this here is the new and improved version. The content's still the same, the only differences now are that this fanfic is now properly spell-checked, no more sloppy spelling mistakes, and not so many friggin' CAPS and exclamation marks like I did in the original format of this. (Geez, what was I? Hopped up on a bunch of sugar or something back then while writing this fanfic? …Actually, most likely I sadly was.) Now without further ado, here is the new and improved hamham commercial spoofs! Hope you enjoy them!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro, band-aids, Herbal Essences, or Hooked On Phonics.

**Band-Aid commercial**

Hamtaro is seen running along. Laughing and giggling when he suddenly trips and falls, scraping his arm

Hamtaro: Whaaaa!

Bijou: (in a gushy voice) Oh-no! Did you hurt yourself sweetie? Come here baby! I will fix you up!

Bijou takes out a band-aid and sticks it on Hamtaro's arm

Hamtaro: (singing) I'm stuck to my band-aids, cause my band aids are stuck on me!

Ha ha! That was lame...okay, next one!

**Hooked on Phonics**

Maxwell: Hooked on Phonics is proven to improve your child's reading! Just see how much this little child has improved here.

Cappy is seen reading an alphabet book and singing the alphabet.

Cappy: A B C X 1 2 3, 6 9 10 Z, dog cat mouse rock fish! Q R frog, T you me, 9 5 stick, uuhh...something something something! Now I know my A23's, next time won't you sing-

Maxwell quickly shoves Cappy away in a closet and locks it.

Maxwell: That's right! Hooked on Phonics really works! Now why don't we check out this other wonderful student here?

Maxwell shows Hamtaro sitting at a desk, writing on a piece of paper. Hamtaro grins and holds up the paper to the screen, reading: "Hoocked on fonix rilly werks 4 me!!"

Maxwell quickly crumples paper and pulls a curtain down in front of Hamtaro.

Maxwell: Get Hooked on Phonics now! Call 999- 999-999999-99999-9999-999-999999-9999-9. Call today and see the improvements on your child's reading!

**Herbal Essences Commercial**

Pashmina: Are you sure this won't damage my scarf in anyway whatsoever?

Director: Yes miss Pashmina, we are certain. Now it really is time to do the commercial! Places everyone! Now, 1-2-3! Action!

Pashmina: Oh yes! I've got the urge!

Dexter & Howdy: (singing) She's got the urge!

Pashmina: Herbal essences cleans your fur to make it from dull and full of split ends, to full and bouncing volume!

Howdy and Dexter put Shampoo in her fur

Pashmina: Oh yes! YES!

Pashmina washes off shampoo.

Pashmina: Oh-no! NO!

Pashmina looks down at her scarf.

Pashmina: It s-shrunk! Ack! I'm suffocating!

Pashmina's face turns blue and she falls on the floor, twitching.

Dexter: Do you think now is a good time to call the paramedics?

Howdy: (still singing) She's got the urge!

Sorry if that was lame. I'll try to cook up some more ideas soon...cooking…hey! That gives me an idea! Next chapter, cooking! What horrors await? Please review! If you have any commercial ideas, please tell me!


	2. Philsbury Doughboy Cookies!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Philsbury or CIBC..or Hamtaro. _

**Note:**_ Italic writing like this means they are thinking._ Regular text like this means they are talking.

**Philsbury dough boy cookie commercial**

Auntie Viv(the Grandma): Oh Oxnard! Let's make some cookies, shall we?

Oxnard(the Grandson): Yay!

Auntie Viv: Now, first we-

The phone rings as Auntie Viv is explaining.

Auntie Viv: Oh, I'll have to get that, but these things are so easy that you can just put them on the pan and in the oven yourself!

Auntie Viv goes off to get the phone.

Oxnard: Okay! So, all I have to do is, put the cookie dough on the pan.

Oxnard puts some cookie dough on the pan.

Oxnard: Whoops! Got some on my finger!

Oxnard licks the dough off.

Oxnard: Mmmmm...that tastes good!

5 minutes later...

Auntie Viv: You ate the cookie dough? You ate RAW cookie dough? I don't believe this! Are you a wolf in sheep's clothing, or should I say, a pig in a hamster's clothing?

Oxnard: No, no! A little birdie flew in and ate it all.

Auntie Viv: A little birdie, huh?

Oxnard: Yup... (burps)

**CIBC commercial, where the family moves out of their old house (I think it's CIBC at least, can't remember though.)**

Sandy: Kids! Time to go!

Sandy looks longingly at a door frame where it shows the kids (Cappy and Panda) measuring themselves

Sandy: I'm going to miss this place...the kids grew up here.

Maxwell: Well yeah, but...oh fine then! We'll just stay here if you're going to miss it so much!

Sandy: What? No! That's not what I-

Maxwell: No, no! I insist! Bring it all back in boys!

The mover hamsters bring furniture back in.

Sandy: No! No! Wait!

Later on at dinner, they're all sitting in their old kitchen in their old house, and Panda and Cappy are seen in their swimsuits with goggles and snorkels.

Maxwell: Yes, that's right kids! There would have been a new pool and jacuzzi in our new house, but your mom here would miss the door frame too much!

Sandy: (sighs)

CIBC. Helping you stay where you want to.

**Back to the Philsbury Doughboy commercial.**

Auntie Viv: The next kid better be well behaved this time!

Director: Actually, we're gonna be having two.

Auntie Viv: Two?!

Director: Okay! Let's get rollin' folks! And action!

Auntie Viv: Oh boys! It's time to make some cookies!

Howdy and Dexter: YAY!

They both come rushing down the stairs, tripping over one another.

Auntie Viv: _Why do I have the feeling that these two spell disaster?_ Now, put the cookie dough in small amounts on the pan and-door bell rings! Oh, there's the Pizza! I'll be right back. Now get cracking boys!

Dexter picks up some cookie dough

Dexter: Ewww...this stuff's mushy

Howdy: Yeah! All the better to make cookie balls!

Howdy rolls up dough into ball like a snow ball and chucks it at Dexter.

Dexter: Aaack! Hey! That was not funny Howdy!

Dexter chucks dough at Howdy.

Howdy: Yeehaw! COOKIE FIGHT!

Howdy and Dexter start chucking cookie dough at each other and thus, a cookie dough ball fight ensues.

Auntie Viv: How's the cookies coming along-AAAAAH! What are boys doing?!

Next chapter coming soon. Please review!


	3. Juicy Fruit

_Disclaimer: I don't own Juicy Fruit, Mr. Clean, or Hamtaro_. Juicy Fruit Commercial 

Jingle is standing by a fireplace at a ski lodge with a bunch of hamhams listening to him play his guitar.

Jingle: Get your skis shined up, grab a stick of juicy fruit! The taste is gonna move ya!

The hamhams are lying on the couch bored as Bijou sighs and Panda waves a fan in his face. Boss and Stan suddenly walk in.

Jingle: Take a sniff, pull it oooout! The taste is gonna move ya when ya pop it in your mouth! Juicy fruit is gonna move ya-

Boss takes Jingle's guitar and smashes it against the fireplace.

Stan: Sweet!

Boss: Yeah, I know! I totally thrashed his out-of-date guitar!

Stan: No, not you doofus! I mean this!

Stan holds up juicy fruit red

Boss: Sweeeeet! Time to take over!

Boss grabs electric guitar.

Boss: Take it away Stan!

Stan: You got it!

Stan gets drum set and starts banging on it and the hamhams cheer loudly.

**Mr. Clean commercial**

Pashmina: Oh-no! Look at all these dirty stains on the carpet! What shall I do?

Elder Ham: Mr. Clean to the rescue!

Mr Clean super hero music plays as Elder Ham hobbles in and trips, falling flat on his face.

Pashmina: Oh, thank goodness you're here!

Elder Ham: (gets back up) These stains will disappear with ease when I spray and rub my 'Mr. Clean' spay on the stain in this dirty carpet!

Elderham takes out a Mr. Clean spray bottle.

Elderham: Observe!

Little does he know, he's holding the spray bottle the wrong way, and he squirts the spray into his eyes.

Elder ham: AAAAAAAH! My eyes! My eyes! I'm blinded! The pain!

Pashmina: Oh my goodness! Somebody do something!

Pashmina runs around in circles, screaming.

Elder Ham: The pain! The horrible horrible-

Elder Ham runs into wall and falls over, knocking himself unconscious.

Director: …Has anyone seen a Mr. First Aid around here?

**Another Juicy Fruit Commercial**

Jingle is seen standing on the street, playing a guitar once again.

Jingle: Get your skis shined up, grab a stick of juicy fruit, the taste is gonna move ya!

Pashmina and Bijou walk by with weird look on their faces, giggling.

Jingle: Take a sniff, pull it oooout!

Panda walks by, pulling a set of head phones over his ears.

Jingle: The taste is gonna move ya when ya pop it in your mouth!

Boss and Stan are seen driving this giant truck.

Jingle: Juicy fruit, is gonna (Boss hits a button, releasing a giant sucky-thing that sucks up Jingle) move yaaAAAAAHHH!!

Stan: Hey! What gives? Where's the new sweet juicy fruit?

Boss: I dunno. The sucker must be jammed or something.

Stan: But I want my juicy fruit!

Boss: Relax! You'll get it!

Stan starts crying.

Stan: Dude! I need his Juicy Fruit to live!

Boss shakes Stan.

Boss: Pull yourself together, man!

Suddenly, a whole bunch of new sweet juicy fruits start flying in the truck.

Stan:...Sweeeeeet!

Boss: Totally.

New Red Juicy available in stores now! Sweeet! (Not.)

Review, fools!


	4. Sylvan sucks and so does Sam

More commercials for your personal enjoyment! Laugh till your sides split open and your internal organs fall out and spill down all over the floor! What's that? I'm disgusting? Oh, I know that.

_Disclaimer: I don't own Sylvan, Froot Loops, or Hamtaro._

Sylvan Learning Centre (The mother of all annoying commercials! In other words, this is could be real good.)

Pepper(mom): Oh, how nice of you to throw this party for me!

Cappy is running around in circles, shouting at the top of his lungs.

Cappy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Boss walks up to Pepper, holding something behind his back. (Of all the hamhams, Boss is the son. Yup. "Why?" you ask? Don't ask questions, just read you fool.)

Boss: Hi mom. I got you your present!

Oxnard(the Dad) winks at Boss.

Boss nods back.

Boss: Here you go, mom!

Boss hands Pepper the package.

Pepper: Oh you shouldn't have! You shouldn't have!

Pepper rips open the present.

Pepper: No really, you shouldn't have! I mean, what is this?

Boss: It's something you've always wanted!

Pepper: …A report card? What kind of present is that?!

Boss looks over at Oxnard with a worried look on his face as Oxnard mouths some words, pointing at the report card.

Boss: Uuhh...look here mom! (points at report card) See? I passed math this time, and...I got a C+ in Science, and-

Pepper: I give you food, shelter, happiness, and I drive you places, and all I get for my big 50th birthday is a freaking piece of paper that states your mediocre grades?! Where's the diamond necklace or the chocolates in this?!

Boss slowly backs away as Oxnard slowly makes his way to the front door.

Cappy: You're 50?! Man you're old!

Pepper: SHUT UP!

Boss: Aren't you even happy I got great marks in school like ya wanted me to? I mean, geez mom! I-

Pepper: You couldn't have gotten me just a bottle of shampoo, or even a proper birthday card!

Boss: But dad told me it was a good idea!

Oxnard: I, uh...No I didn't!

Pepper: Knock some sense into that boy on what a proper birthday present is!

Oxnard: I think it was a great idea, you heartless old bat!

Pepper: Who are you calling a heartless old bat, you fat old cow!

Cappy: Waaaah! They're gonna kill each other!

Boss: I want a better family!

Sylvan. The confidence to do better in school, the confidence to do better in life.

**Froot Loops**

Dexter is playing the role of Toucan Sam, but except Dexter's a hamster techinically…not a toucan.

Dexter: I follow my nose wherever it goes! Want some Froot loops boys?

Cappy and Panda: Yes Uncle Sam!

Penenlope: (angrily) Ookwee!

Dexter: Oh! And girls!

Penelope: Ookwee!

Meanwhile, down in a volcano…

Howdy: I, the evil doctor Peacock-(Big colourful tail feathers fan out. Yes, they gave him peacock feathers.) shall steal Sam's colours with my colour-stealing ray!

Howdy laughs evilly as he unleashes the fury of the colour-stealing ray.

Panda, Penelope, and Cappy are seen tugging on the Froot loops box.

Cappy: I had the Froot Loops first!

Panda: But I want them now!

Penelope: Ookwee!

Dexter: Boys! Boys!

Penelope: Ookwee!

Dexter: And Girls, calm yourselves! You must learn to be calm and collective, like me.

The colour ray comes through the window and sucks out Dexter's colours.

Dexter: Huh? Oh no! My colours are gone! AAAAAAAAAAH! What do I do? What do I do?!

Dexter runs around the room, smashing into things.

Panda: And he told us to stay calm.

Dexter: I'm colourless! This is absolutely terrible!

Cappy: But what do you mean colourless? You've always been that way! Just boring old gray and white!

Dexter: What did you say?!

Dexter starts stangling Cappy.

Cappy: WAAAH! I didn't mean it, Uncle Sam! I mean, your bow tie was always red wasn't it? Lemmie go, Uncle Sam!

Speaker: Help find Sam's colours back! Look on the specially marked boxes of Froot Loops cereal boxes, and-…you know what? This is lame! Why do I even bother? Here's my message to you kids: stop watching and believing in this junk because it's all fake I tell you! FAKE! Now go outside and get a life!

More comin' soon. Please review!


	5. Philsbury Returns!

More commercials for all your minds of insanity!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Koolaid, Philsbury, or Hamtaro...and I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh either._

**Kool-Aid commercial**

Hamtaro and a bunch of the hamhams are seen holding up kool-aid drinks while Maxwell is dressed up in a giant kool-aid man costume.

Hamhams: Yay Kool-aid Ham!

Maxwell: Oh yeah...

Director: No, no, no! Do it more energetically, like this: Oh yeah!

Maxwell: Oh yeah!

Director: No! Use more emotion!

Maxwell: That's it! If you want someone who can do the job properly, then do it yourself! I quit!

Maxwell throws off Kool-aid costume and storms out of the studio.

Director: Oh-great! That was our last Kool-aid Ham actor! We're finished now!

Producer: (gasps) Oh-no!

Hamhams: Oh-no!

Camera Man: Oh-no!

Stan comes crashing through commercial recording studios on a skateboard.

Stan: OH YEAH!

Everyone stares at Stan as he backs away slowly from the damaged studio wall.

Director: He's...perfect! Grab him!

The director, producer, and hamhams chase after Stan as he quickly runs out of the studio.

**Philsbury Strikes Back!** (oh dear...)

Auntie Viv: If this kid is another disaster like the last three, then I qui-

Director: Relax lady! We made sure the kid this time was alone, well behaved, and wasn't a pig.

Auntie Viv: Alright then, let's get this done with!

Director: Aaaand action!

Auntie Viv: (calls upstairs) It's time to make cookies!

Boss: Yay!

Boss runs down the stairs in glee towards Auntie Viv.

Auntie Viv: So far, so good. Okay, let's go make some delicious cookies now!

Boss follows Auntie Viv into the kitchen

Auntie Viv: Now, making these Philsbury cookies are easy! We just put the cookie dough on the baking sheet, place it in the oven for 10 minutes, and they'll bake right before our eyes! (A buzzing sound is heard.) Oh, there goes the laundry. But I can count on you, right?

Boss: Yes mam! Just leave everything to me!

Auntie Viv: Finally, someone I can depend on!

Auntie Viv leaves to go do the laundry and Boss turns towards the cookie dough.

Boss: Okay, so roll the dough into balls and place the dough on a cookie sheet and put them in the oven. That's easy enough!

Boss follows the instructions and puts the cookies in the oven and turns on the oven to broil instead of bake. Dun dun duuuuuun!

Boss: There we go. No sweat!

Auntie Viv: Oh wow! You've really seem to got it under control-(phone rings) Aw, dagnabbit! Everything keeps ringing whenever I'm cooking! Keep at it there, Boss!

Boss: Okay!

Auntie Viv leaves to get the phone.

Boss: Man, 10 minutes is along time to wait in one spot for cookies to be done. I'll just go watch some TV for a few minutes.

Boss goes in the next room to watch TV.

20 minutes later…

While watching TV, Boss suddenly sniffs the air.

Boss: Is something burning?

Black smoke is coming out of the kitchen.

Boss: Oh snap! The cookies!

Boss rushes into the kitchen at the same time Auntie Viv does.

Auntie Viv: What's with all this thick smoke? Don't tell me you burnt the cookies!

Boss: No, no! They're coming along great! In fact, they're done!

Boss takes out the cookies from oven, thick black smoke is rising from the blackened cookies.

Boss: Man, do they smell awesome!

Boss picks up a severely burnt cookie and takes a big bite of it with a disgusted sickened look on his face.

Boss: Yum! Ugh! Err...these cookies certainly have, um...a crunchy texture to them, and a...a wonderful after taste! (cough) Philsbury sure makes...excellent...superb…delicious-Urk!

Boss covers his mouth and runs to the bathroom to throw up.

Auntie Viv: That's it! First I get a pig disguised as a hamster who eats the cookie dough, _RAW_, then I get two idiots who use the dough as snowballs to pelt each other with, and now I get this dolt who can't even set an oven right and watches Yu-Gi-Oh instead of watching the cookies! You directors and producers suck! And so does Philsbury! I am outta here!

Voice Announcer: Philsbury chocolate chip cookies!

Singing voice: My heart to yours. (Boss's gagging is heard in the background.)

More comin' soon! Please review!


	6. Skittlez

Here are some more commercial spoofs for you to enjoy! And to everyone who submits commercial ideas: Thank you very much for your ideas, and I will try to get them up, but I must note that I can't put up all your suggestions, because I may have not seen the commercials that you request.

Disclaimer: I don't own Skittles, Oreos, or Hamtaro.

Upon request (and I'll try my best. Hey, that rhymes!) **The Skittles commercial!**

Pashmina and Oxnard are seen, sitting in the grass with a sunny sky. All the sudden, the clouds darken, as Pashmina pulls Oxnard along running up to a tree and skittles begin to fall from the sky.

Oxnard: Oh my god…it's a dream come true! IT'S RAINING SKITTLES!

Oxnard runs about, waving his arms with his mouth open as skittles fall on Pashmina's head.

Pahsmina: Ow! Eeek! Ouch! This hurts! Pashmina runs under a tree, pulling Oxnard along.

Pashmina: Aaah...much better.

Oxnard: Are you crazy? This is the chance of a lifetime! Since when does it rain skittles?

Oxnard runs back out.

Pashmina: Stop! Those aren't the skittles you think they are!

Oxnard: I'm in heaven now!

Little does poor Oxnard know, the skittles are actually (in advertising voice)

New Sour Skittles! Available in stores now!

Oxnard: Skittles! Whoohoo!! Huh? What did you say Pashmina?

A sour skittle happens to land in unfortunate Oxnard's eye.

Oxnard: Aaaaaaahhhh! My eye! My eye! It burns! I'm going to be blinded for the rest f my life!

Pashmina: Hey look! It stopped raining! Let's go pick the skittles off the ground!

Oxnard: Nooooo! Don't let them hurt me!

Oxnard runs back crying under the tree.

Oxnard: Don't go out there! You'll die!

Pashmina: Oxnard, the storm's over! Nothing's going to fall on us now!

A giant red skittle falls down on Pashmina, crushing her.

Oxnard: I hate to tell you that I told you so, but…I told you so!

New, sour skittles. Taste the Rainbow!

Another commercial upon request by kitti-gurl1, **Oreos!**

Laura is sitting outside on the doorstep with her dog, Brandy, eating a whole box of Oreos for her lunch, (What a pig…but then again, I did that once too!) giving Brandy some "Oreo lessons."

Laura: I'm going to show you, how to eat an Oreo! First you twist it, (twists top off) Then you lick it, (licks Oreo cream off as Brandy sits there, licking his lips) Then you dunk it! (Laura dunks the Oreo in milk and eats it) Mmmmmm...

Brandy looks hopefully up at Laura.

Laura: (with her mouth full of oreo) Mom says-mmph (still munching on the cookie and trying to talk with her mouth full) mom says dogs can't have chocolate! But, you can have the milk.

Laura puts the milk in front of Brandy. As he whines pleadingly.

Laura: Oh, okay. I guess ONE Oreo won't hurt!

Laura gives an Oreo to Brandy, who greedily eats it up

Laura: There you go! Doesn't it taste good?

20 minutes later, Laura is STILL eating the box of Oreos, and starting to get a little queasy, while Brandy is lying on the ground, looking terribly ill, when suddenly, Brandy loses his lunch...literally.

Laura: (screams) Mom! Mom! Brandy puked!

Mom: Oh my goodness! You didn't feed him Oreos did you?!

Laura: Well...just one!

Mom: You know that chocolate s poisonous to dogs, Laura! I've told you that a million times again and again!

Laura: ...I don't feel so good...

Mom: Laura! Are you alright?

Laura's mom spots the empty Oreo box

Mom: YOU ATE ALL THE OREOS?

Laura: urk...

Mom: I have never known anyone to be a much of a pig as you! I can't believe you ate all of those yourself! That's disgusting!

Laura: No mom, I didn't eat all of them myself…I gave one to Brandy, remember? So I technically shared them.

Advertising voice: Mr. Christie, you make good cookies! (Puking sounds are heard in the background.)

More coming soon!


	7. Think Oxy, think oxygen!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Oxy or Hamtaro_.

Resquested by Shadowwon'tdie... the **Oxy commercial!**

Sandy is seen riding on a scooter, happily enjoying the ride, when suddenly, Dexter, who is also riding a scooter, pulls along beside her.

Dexter: Oh Sandy!

Sandy: Oh great...

Dexter: You want to know how to get rid of those annoying zits on your face?

Sandy: No.

Dexter: Try Oxy, oxygen! It cleans your pores of all-

Sandy: I thought I just said no!

Dexter: -dirt on your skin can be cleaned off by Oxy! Just rub some on, and-

Sandy: Get away from me you freak!

Sandy pushes Dexter off of his scooter.

Dexter: YIIIEEEEEE!

Dexter lands in a bush.

Dexter: That's the 4th girl that's turned down Oxy today, and they're going to end up all zitty and disgusting! No guy will want to go near them! That's why you buy oxy to make your skin (and fur) zit-less and beautiful! Think Oxy, think Oxygen! Get it? Har har har!

Howdy: Aw, cut it off Dexter! You're startin' to sound like me! Or is that a good thing?

Sorry this chapter was so short. More to come soon folks so it's not over yet! (Question is; will it ever be over? )


	8. Take the Nestea Plunge!

Sorry for the long update. I don't watch much TV anymore, so I don't know many commercials. XP Here's the next one!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro, Nestea, Brisk, or Meow Mix._

**The Nestea Plunge!**

Hamtaro is seen, holding a Nestea bottle.

Voice: Here we see, Hamtaro. About to take the Nestea plunge...

Hamtaro drinks some Nestea, and falls backwards into a pool of water that just appeared behind him.

SPLASH!

Hamtaro: Aaaahh! Help, I can't swim!

Hamtaro flails around for a few second before he tragically drowns.

Scene goes to Stan, who also sips Nestea and falls backwards.

SPLASH!

Stan: It's f-frikin' f-f-freezin' in here!

Scene goes to Jingle, who's standing on a cliff, and takes a sip, and falls backwards.

Jingle: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

SPLASH!

Scene goes to Boss, who also takes a sip of iced tea, and falls backwards onto the concrete.

THUMP!

Boss: Oowww!

Director: I think something went wrong there...

Producer walks onto set and takes iced tea bottle from Boss.

Producer: What the heck? This isn't Nestea! It's Brisk ice tea! No wonder the pool of water didn't appear! Now why, in the world, did you drink Brisk on a Nestea commercial?

Boss: Nestea sucks!

Producer: We get a guy who supports our rivaling brand to do this? It doesn't work if ya don't drink Nestea! I need a donut

The crew leaves for their break, leaving Boss lying on the ground.

Boss:...Ow, my spleen...

**Meow Mix commercial**

Oxnard is seen sitting on the couch with a can of beer.

Oxnard: (singing to the meow mix theme)

Beer beer beer beer! Beer beer beer beer! Beer beer beer beer beeer beer beer beer! Beer be-

Pashmina glares at him. Oxnard shuts up. Pashmina pours some 'Meow Mix' into a bowl. Penelope is dressed up as a cat, and trots over to the bowl, singing.

Penelope: Ookwee ookwee ookwee ookwee! Ookwee ookwee ookwee ookwee! Ookwee ookwee ookwee ook-

Director: Cut! Kid, you're supposed to say 'Meow meow meow meow! Not Ookwee ookwee!

Pashmina: But sir, she can't say anything else but ookwee!

Director: Then why'd you hire her? Okay kid, get off the set! You there! (pointing to Oxnard, who's chugging down the beer can)

Oxnard: (belches) Who? Me?

Only a few moments later, Oxnard is seen in a cat costume.

Director: Okay...and action!

Oxnard: Beer beer beer beer! Beer beer beer beer! Beer beer beer beer beeer beer beer beer! Beer be-

Director: No! That's all wrong! Do I have to get a professional in to do this or am I gonna have to do this myself?

Pashmina and Oxnard:...Yes!

Oxnard and Pashmina run out of the studio.

That's all for now! More may come when I get ideas. This story is only updated here and there, so don't expect too many updates. Though since school's gonna be back on in two days, I might get more ideas and inspiration. (I get inspired on Fridays after school when I'm hyper and happy. That's how this whole story started!) Bye-Q!


	9. Gotta be KD!

I meant to get this chapter out by last X-mas, but looks like it's Easter now, but better late than never! But I'll do the X-mas commercial anyways.

_Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro, Ferrero Rocher, or Kraft Dinner._

**Ferrero Rocher Chocolate commerical**

Christmas decorations are seen, and Bijou is shown walking over to a table, where a large mound of 'Ferrero Rocher' chocolate is piled into a pyramid-like shape. A French advertising voice is heard...

Advertiser: Unwrap the gift of gold...

Bijou is seen unwrapping the chocolate ball, and putting it in her mouth, closing her eyes, savouring the luxurious taste

Advertiser: This holiday season, share something special...

Bijou: (cough) I'm chocking!! (ack) Help!

Director: CUT! Somebody unchoke her!

Bijou drops on the floor, clutching her throat)

10 minutes later...

Producer: Okay folks, let's do this again!

Director: And action!

(Christmas decorations are seen(again), then it shows Bijou walking over to a table (again), where a large mound of 'Ferrero Rocher Chocolate' is piled into a pyramid-like shape (again). And the French advertiser voice is heard...(again )

Unwrap the gift of gold...this holiday season, share something special...

Bijou is seen unwrapping the chocolate ball, and putting it in her mouth, (again) closing her eyes, savouring the luxurious taste, and...her eyes widen in horror?

Bijou: (spits out chocolate) This has peanuts!?

Director: Well, duh! You can see the peanuts popping out of the chocolate quite clearly!

Producer: And we put peanut allergy warning labels on the chocolate wrapping, so we don't get sued if someone gets an allergic reaction!

Bijou begins to break out in a rash.

Bijou: But I am allergic to peanuts! You must do something about this! I am going to die if you don't call 911!

Producer: Ah, she'll be fine in a minute or two!

5 minutes later...Bijou is seen, lying on the floor with her foot twitching.

Producer: Any moment now, she'll come to!

Director: Uum, sir? I think she's dead.

Producer: oh...run!

**Kraft Dinner commercial **

Hamtaro, Cappy, Howdy, Stan, and Boss are seen playing street hockey on roller blades, when Pashmina steps out.

Pashmina: Time for dinner, boys!

Hamtaro: Be right there, mom!

Hamtaro, Cappy, Stan, Howdy, and Boss all rush in, take a blender, and put the cooked macaroni in.

Cappy: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Howdy: Hush! This is gonna be good!

Hamtaro: Of course it's a good idea! We won't have to stop playing for a long time to eat dinner! It's food and fun on the go!

Stan: It's gotta be the best invention since sliced bread!

Back outside minutes later, they're all wearing those drinks hats that have straws that connect to the persons' mouth, and they have their hockey sticks in their hands.

Hamtaro is standing at the goalie net.

Hamtaro: Ok, guys! Let's play!

Hamtaro sips from drink hat, and yes, it's liquid yellow/orange macaroni from the blender, and they all start to rollerblade.

Boss sips some, drops his hockey stick, and spits out the macaroni drink.

Boss: Yuck! This stuff tastes like shi-

Stan crashes into Boss on his roller blades.

Stan: (spitting) This is horrible! It almost killed me when I took a sip!

Cappy: I told you this was a bad idea!

Howdy: Hush! This stuff's good!

Howdy sips more liquid macaroni.

Boss: What? You actually like that cra-

Stan: Ewww, Howdy! You're so totally gross man!

Cappy: Your ideas stink, Hamtaro!

Hamtaro: ...(sniffs)...I thought it was a good idea...

Advertising voice: Kraft Dinner Macaroni & Cheese! Gotta be KD!

(Pashmina steps back out)

Pashmina: Boys! You forgot your broccoli! (Holds up a blender filled with blended up liquid broccoli.)

Boss: What the fu-

Stan pukes as he sees the blended-up broccoli.

Cappy: (crying) I wanna go home!!!

A scream and groan of pain is heard as Hamtaro's hit in the face with a puck.

I'll try to get more up soon! I have some pretty good ideas for the next chapter! I think I'll do another Sylvan one, since their commercials piss me off. Remember to review!


	10. Sylvan strikes back!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro, Golden Oreos, Sylvan, or Cool Tools.

Here's a request from kitty-gurl1, 'Golden Oreos'!

**Golden Oreos commercial.**

Cappy is seen eating 'Golden Oreos', and Hamtaro comes to sit down beside him.

Hamtaro: Watcha eatin'?

Cappy: Golden Oreos.

Hamtaro: I remember back in my day when they used to be black!

Cappy: Isn't this your day? You've only been around for 1 year longer than me!

Hamtaro: Yeah...so I'm older than you! Now as I was saying-

Cappy: (sighs) Just have an Oreo.

Hamtaro: -that oreos used to be black back when I was a kid-

Cappy: But you are a kid!

Hamtaro: -and I'd twist the top off, and duck 'em in milk! Boy the fun I had when I was young!

Cappy: This is stupid!

Cappy gets up and leaves.

Hamtaro: Hey! Come back, youngster! I wasn't done my story about black Oreos! Respect your elders!

Cappy: (from a-distance) You're almost as young as me, dummy!

Hamtaro: Fine! Be that way, you poopy-head! (Sticks tounge out) How immature! Golden Oreos...sheesh! (looks at box, and takes one) Ah, what the heck!

And because I hate Sylvan so much, I'm gonna do another 'Sylvan Sucks' commercial, and a complete one this time!

Stan, inside a house, puts his report card on his skateboard and rolls it towards his mom (Pashmina) in the kitchen.

Pashmina: Stan! What did I say about skateboarding in the house?

Pashmina 'unfortunately' steps backwards, and steps on the skateboard, sending herself flying in the air and crashing back onto the ground.

Pashmina: Oooow! STAN!! What did I just tell you! How could you let this happen-Wait! (sees report card lying on the ground behind her) Ahh...report card...

Pashmina looks at the report card as Stan hides behind a corner, waiting in suspense.

The cheesy annoying Sylvan music begins to play…

Pashmina sighs as she smiles a bit.

Pashmina: Well, at least ONE thing went right today.

_This moment was brought to you by the Sylvan Learning Centre._

Stan: School was like, so hard man! But Sylvan totally changed that!

_Sylvan is a proven process that works for those who struggle in school._

Pashmina is standing in a body cast from the skateboard fall.

Pashmina: My son struggled in school, and what a difference Sylvan made! I probably wouldn't be in this damn body cast! If he got a bad report card, he would've just hidden it and never attempt to show it to me by the means of rolling a skateboard through the kitchen! But at least this got him good marks, but honestly, that skateboard-

Pashmina is cut off by the advertising voice.

_We have highly-trained professionals who love to teach! So if your child is challenged or just not challenged enough, Sylvan can help._

Stan: School's a lot easier now! Mom, however, is still totally mad at me.

_Sylvan. The confidence to do better in school. The confidence to do better in life._

Wh00t! Sylvan sucks! And now for a rather old commercial that some might not remember or haven't seen.

**Cool Tools commercial.**

Boss is seen working on a truck while Cappy and Panda are playing. They then approach the truck where some tools are laying.

Panda: Cool! Look at all these tools!

Cappy: Let's play with them!

Boss: Oh-no, kids! Those are grown-up tools. But you can play with these!

Boss hands them a box of 'Cool Tools' toys.

(Note: Cool Tools are basically plastic tools used for play.)

Panda & Cappy: Wooow! Cool!

Background music is heard with men are singing the 'cool tools!' song, with a bunch of words that can't be made out.

Panda takes the toy hammer and begins to bang on his toy kitchen.

Panda: Cool!

Cappy takes the toy screw driver and tries to drive it into his toy car.

Cappy: Cool!

Singing men: **Cool Tools!**

Cappy: Hey! Now that we got our own toys, we can help daddy with fixing the truck!

Panda: Good idea! Let's go!

Singing men: **Cool tools!**

Cappy puts his toy screwdriver on the truck's wheel.

Panda puts his hammer against the screwdriver, and begins whacking it, driving the screwdriver into the truck's wheel.

Panda: Yay!

Cappy: Now daddy will be happy with us!

Singing men: **Cool Cool Cool! Cool Tools!**

Boss comes around, whistling merrily, and sees Panda and Cappy stabbing and hammering the 'cool tools' into the truck wheel.

Boss: What the-no! Stop, kids!

A 'pshhhhh' sound is heard, and the truck collapses onto Cappy as Panda runs out of the way.

Singing men: **Cools Tools!**

Cappy: (from under the truck) Aaaaahhh! Help me! The truck ate me!

Boss: No! How could I let this happen? I'm such a bad father!

Boss breaks down sobbing.

Cappy: Heeeelllllp!

Panda: ...Can I get eaten by a truck too?

Boss: NO!

Singing men: **Cool Too-**

Boss: SHUT UP!

Singing men: **Our bad...**

Cool Tools! Buy them today!

Singing men: **Cool Tools!**

Please review, and feel free to submit requests! I'll try my best to get to them.


	11. Sylvan Learning Centre's arch rival

Hey guys, long time, no see! I've been busy and all that, but I have inspiration! School is done! So...wh00t! I can work on stories now. Some people have been sending in some great suggestions, and I thank you all for that! And some have been even sending in their own commercial spoofs! I'm afraid I can't put them in my fic, as this fic doesn't belong to them, but I do have a humor section on my Hamtaro website (Hamtaro Mountain) that I'd be more than happy to put them on!

You can send me a meesage and I'll put them on the website and I'll give you the link to it. They can still be viewed, no problem. I can't advertise my site in my fanfic, but if you go to my profile, you can view my site there and many others can as well and they an read you spoofs too! So don't delay! Send in your spoofs today!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Tag, Kumon, or Hamtaro._

Alright, here's chapter 11. Here we go! This is especially for you, Kelly!

**Kumon Commerical**

(For those of you who don't know, Kumon learning centre is a program very similar to Sylvan, and has almost equally annoying advertising commercials.)

Panda is seen playing a few notes on the piano and he hits a flat note.

Panda: Whoops!

Panda begins to strike the notes again and he begins to play the almighty annoying 'Kumon commercial' song.

Advertising voice: Kumon is a program to help those who struggle in reading, writing, and math. We know that like playing the piano, it takes practice to become perfect, an-

Panda hits wrong chord on piano.

Panda: Crap! Uuuh...can we do that again?

Panda starts the song again.

Avertising voice: (takes deep breath) Kumon is a program to help those who struggle in reading, writing, and math. We know that like playing the piano, it takes practice to become perfect, and like baseball, we review material over again until the child develops the skill to do well.

Hamtaro is seen, holding a baseball bat. The ball comes speeding towards him. He swings the bat, but misses.

Hamtaro: Oh-no! I missed! Can I try that again please?

Advertsing voice: ...and like baseball, we review material over again until the child develops the skill to do well.

Hamtaro is standing there picking his nose as the ball comes speeding towards him. It hits him hard in the head, knocking him on the ground and knocking him out cold.

Advertising: We give children a test to put the struggling child in the level that they belong in.

Pashmina is seen, writing a reading test, when her pencil snaps

Pashmina: Aw, crap! Hey! Can I have another pencil over here?

Advertising Voice: We have trained adults to help every step of the way.

Maxwell is seen looking over Cappy as Cappy is doing a math worksheet.

Cappy drops pencil and screams.

Cappy: Oww! Hand cramp!

Advertising voice: Whether it's playing the piano...

Panda is playing the piano, with sweat dripping down his face and a look of sheer determination to not mess up the song again.

Advertising voice: or playing baseball...

Hamtaro is seen, still lying on the field, unconcious.

Advertising voice: practicing and hard work is the key. We give children who struggle in certain subjects in school the skills and the confidence they need.

Panda messes up the song again.

Panda: Aw, dammit I suck! I can't do it!

Panda begins to cry.

Advertising Voice: Kumon. The confidence to do better in school, the confidence to do better in life.

Panda smashes the piano with his hammer.

Panda: You've failed me piano! Just like I've failed at life!

And now for one of those disturbing 'Tag' men's deodorant commercials.

**Tag**

Maxwell is seen in the supermarket as he takes a bottle of "Tag" deodorant , and sprays some on himself.

Sandy is in the next isle and sees him through a gap in the shelf and smells the Tag deodorant.

Maxwell puts back the deodorant, only to have Sandy grab onto his arm. Maxwell, confused, tries to pull away, and ends up knocking over a bunch of Tag deodorant. He runs down the isle and Bijou then rushes towards him. Bijou leaps at him and Maxwell jumps away from her, but then Sparkle lunges at him, knocking him over. Pepper, Pashmina, and many other various female hamsters run over and jump on top of Maxwell.

Advertising Voice: WARNING! 'Tag' is not responsible for masses of crazy girls glomping and lunging at the user of this 'Tag' product. And blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah!

Maxwell: Uuuhh...hi?

(Girl hamsters giggle)

Maxwell: Ok girls, time to get off me.

Pepper: But we love you!

Sandy: I love you the most, Maxy!

Sparkle: Be my man! Err...I mean, ham!

Bijou: Oui oui!

Maxwell: No really! Get off! I need to get going!

Girl hamsters: Oh Maxy!

Maxwell: Help!

The female hamsters just continue to giggle and hug him more.

Maxwell: I don't want to have to do this but…

Maxwell takes out the can of 'Tag' deodorant, and holds it up.

Maxwell: Be gone, demons!

Maxwell sprays the bottle of deodorant into the girls' eyes.

Bijou: Eeek! My eyes! My beautiful eyes!

Pepper: It burns!

The girls are screaming and crying, rolling all over the floor in agony as Maxwell makes his escape from the super market, knocking over a large stacked pile of canned soup in the process.

"Tag" deodorant! Considered yourself warned.

Well, that was weird...send in your reviews and your ideas if you have any! I'll see if I can do them! And remember, you can send in your own spoofs too! Bye-Q!


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